The #1 question NOT to ask a food allergy mom

“What do you feed him?”

As a food allergy mom, this is the most irritating question I get asked. 

Yes, my son is severely allergic to a surprising number of things – wheat, nuts, dairy, eggs, seafood and mustard.  I can appreciate how this sounds to someone who doesn’t have first-hand experience with food allergies.  Unfortunately, when I share this information, the typical response is “what do you feed him?”

My son is not an exotic bird – he is human, and while limited, has plenty of options at his disposal.  Fruits, vegetables, pure meats, rice, allergen free chocolate, just to name a few.  As a food allergy parent, it’s much more beneficial to focus on the positive not only for your own sanity but also to help your child build a mindset that they are empowered.

I know the question is not ill-intentioned. But it’s important for people to be mindful of how alienating that question sounds to a food allergy parent or worse, to an allergic kid. 

I understand the curiosity and welcome any questions from fellow parents, coaches, restaurant server, etc. But a better response might be – “How can I make his experience safe?” or “Do you have a list of allergens so I can make sure we are prepared?” 

Just as you (hopefully) would not ask someone “do you plan to fix that gap in your tooth?” or “have you seen a dermatologist about that” the same is true of food allergies.  The added challenge is that food allergy parents cannot be private about their children’s allergies – it is simply too risky until a child is old enough to eat safely and speak for themselves.

Please pass it on – encourage others to be curious but thoughtful when talking to an allergic parent or child.  And focus on the positive.